Barry's Rituals From The ParaPod

"The ParaPod is an entertainment podcast, it is strongly advice that you do not undertake any of the instructions or tasks contained within this show. Neither The ParaPod nor its presenters are liable for any misfortune befalling listeners who ignore this warning."

This is the warning that precedes every episode of The ParaPod, but despite this, Barry Dodds still insists on reading out a poorly researched supernatural ritual at the end of each show. Although it's advised not to try any of these rituals, a full list and details of each can be found below.

Barry's rituals featured in every episode of the first series of the podcast, in several of the second series episodes, and in a special live version of the podcast which was performed in front of a live audience during the Nottingham Comedy Festival.

As most of Barry's rituals come from Creepypasta and similar websites, I can't just copy and paste them here. Technically Barry shouldn't have read them out in a podcast without permission. So instead I'll give you an overview of each of the rituals and a link to the full instructions.

A ritual for contacting the dead, by summoning a spirit and offering it a doll instead of a human body.

One stuffed doll. It must have limbs.

Rice, enough to stuff the doll full.

One needle, and one crimson thread.

One pair of nail clippers.

One sharp-edged tool, such as a knife, glass shard, or scissors.

One cup of salt water. Natural salt would be best.

A bathroom, with a bathtub and some form of counter.

A hiding place, preferably a room purified by incense and ofuda. There must be a TV in there.

You need to give the stuffed toy a name, Ray makes a suggestion, "can I advice you a call it bungle, the bear from rainbow."

Advice which Barry took, so in the ritual when he was required to was the item was "the first it," he said "Bungle is the first it." Which prompted Ray to rename the ritual, "I think I'm going to rename it Bungle bukake."

Full instructions: Click here

It's not clear why you would want to perform this ritual as there is absolutely no reward for doing so. It claims to be high risk, if you invite something into your home and it doesn't want to play, you're probably going to have a difficult time getting rid of it.

A chair.

A match.

Something with which to play music.

A recording of “Tiptoe Through the Tulips.”

A quiet, dark room — empty if possible.

Full instructions: Click here

Barry chose this ritual in the episode where they talked about the case of Elisa Lam as he says she may have played it.

The ritual is said to transport you to another world or reality.

1 building, at least 10 stories high, with an elevator. All three of these conditions must be met in order for the game to proceed.

Full instructions: Click here

The ritual promises those who perform it an unspecified amount of good luck, but get it wrong and you'll receive much more bad luck.

A mirror of any type.

A candle of any size or color.

Friends to do it with (optional, but highly suggested).

Full instructions: Click here

This ritual was sent into Barry by its author, Andrew Hannon. The fact the ritual even has an author should have been a clue to Barry that it's not real, it's a fictional story.

Barry claims the Prime Minister of Italy has made it illegal to distribute this ritual in his country.

The aim is not clear, the text simply promises some kind of magic to those who perform the ritual.

A room where you can close the door behind you and concentrate on reading the ritual without being disturbed. Ray clarifies, "your wank room."

Full instructions: Click here

Towards the end of the ritual, Barry read the line "The slightly autistic among you may have already registered the first letters of the last five paragraphs and what they spell. It’s the closest I have to a name."

Unfortunately Barry had edited and shortened the version of the ritual he had been sent and therefore has no idea what the letters would have spelt out.

The ritual is said to summon the Raven Man, you may then ask anything of him. This can simply be a request for information, or a task for him to carry out for you. Be careful not to ask too much of him, though; he does not take kindly to being used.

A quiet, dark room. It is recommended that this ritual be performed in a non-urban setting, as any light pollution may cause unintended and unfortunate results.

Salt.

Five candles.

Matches or a lighter.

A sharp object capable of drawing blood, such as a needle or knife.

A candle snuffer (optional).

A talisman or object of protection.

Full instructions: Click here

Daruma-san, also known as The Bath Game, is probably best described as a deadly version of Red Light, Green Light. After the initial summoning ritual has been performed, it follows the basic rules of a Japanese children’s game called Darumasan ga Koronda — literally, “The Daruma doll fell down.” The player is “it,” while Daruma-san attempts to catch “it.” But if Daruma-san catches you… well, let’s just say you should never, EVER let that happen.

1 bathroom with a bathtub.

Full instructions: Click here

The ritual is said to be one of the many relatively safe ways in which you can access, not quite enter, a place called the "Shadowside". The ritual's effectiveness depends on how seriously you take it.

A very large empty and quiet room, preferably without windows. If windows exist, you need to be able to cover them and ensure total darkness. Basements usually work well, if they're roomy enough.

A pack of candles (you'll only use 1, if all goes well), and a lighter.

A bucket of water and a mug.

A fan.

Two large mirrors (like the one on your dresser. Don't worry, they won't be harmed. Or if they are, it'd be the least of your concerns).

Three chairs.

An alarm clock.

An active cell phone (don't forget to charge the goddamn battery!)

A loved one willing to follow rules and go along with all this madness.

A small toy or dear object from your childhood.

Full instructions: Click here

Barry starts off by saying, "only do this if you know how to look after yourself in the wild" and then advices us "you need to go and get a forest" as far away from civilisation as you can.

This is a two person ritual and it seems the aim is simply to survive, meaning there's no incentive to play it in the first place.

A forest as far away from civilization as you can manage.

Survival supplies. Bring enough to get you through an entire 24-hour period.

Full instructions: Click here

Possibly Barry's most ridiculous ritual due to its nonsensical nature, complexity and the fact you need an uninterrupted 13 hour stretch to perform it correctly. It involves placing various object on each of the stairs in your house. Ray likened the ritual to a scene from 'Home Alone', asking, "is this top stop burglars getting up the stairs?"

It’s not quite an exorcism, but if you’ve got something weird going on in your home, it’ll help contain it by banishing it to the first floor.

1 staircase with no fewer than 11 steps, but no more than 16 (excluding landings). A staircase with 12 or 13 steps is ideal.

1 small, portable, battery-operated fan.

1 glass of water.

1 handful of dirt.

1 candle.

Matches or a lighter.

As old a picture of the land on which your home currently stands as you can find.

1 picture of your home as it is today.

1 pair of six-sided dice.

2 timekeeping devices. Analog is preferable, but digital will work in a pinch.

1 food offering. It must be an animal or animal byproduct.

1 mirror.

1 handful of ash.

2 to 3 dust bunnies.

1 small living creature. An insect is ideal.

1 fingernail, lock of hair, or other token plucked from your own body. It is not recommended that blood be used.

Salt.

1 sharp object, preferably made of silver.

Full instructions: Click here

The successful summoning of Lady Spades grants you the chance to make a wish.

A candle.

Matches or a lighter.

Lipstick, preferably red, although other colors may also be acceptable.

A quiet, dark room.

A mirror. The mirror may be a fixture of the room (e.g. a bathroom mirror).

The Queen of Spades, pulled from a deck of cards.

Full instructions: Click here

As Barry nears the end of the ritual, he says, "if anything goes wrong, we've learnt it can do..." but Ray interrupts, "we have learnt that haven't we, not from this ritual but overall on this podcast. Things can go wrong in people's lives so they end up talking like this buffoon."

Barry then got angry, and simply snapped "oh, do you know what, if it goes wrong, f**king good!"

Having just spoken about Slenderman in the podcast, Barry decided the ritual to summon him would be perfect to include this week. Ray asked, "What happens in the ritual?" To which Barry replied, "you summon Slenderman." Ray said, "brilliant, let's do the ritual" and dragged Barry out to the woods to actually perform the ritual, which involved Barry, a grown man, rubbing his face on a tree.

To summon Slenderman, although I'm not sure why you'd want to.

Tree

Knife

Thick permanent marker

Blank wall

Full instructions: Click here

Barry starts off by saying, "pop your shoes on, you're going for a walk" as this ritual requires that you find an abandoned house with a red door inside which is already locked and leads to a windowless room.

Completing the ritual correctly will grant you seven days good luck.

An abandoned house

Full instructions: Click here

Barry hadn't come prepared with a ritual, so Ray forced him to make one up on the spot.

Barry says the ritual will allow you to summon a dark shadowy stranger who will answer any question for you.

Candle

Matches

Mirror

Two lemons

Antlers from a deer

A plane

A bit of straw

Go in your dark room at 3am, and light your candles. Get your bit of straw and wait until you hear a plane flying overhead. Then burn your bit of straw.

At this point Ray reminds Barry that he still got to get lemons and antlers into the ritual somewhere. Barry continued, "put the antlers on, say the words out loud... 'shadow man, shadow man...'"

But before he could finish, Ray interrupted, "he's not called shadow man, he's call the black stranger." Barry tried again, "black stranger, black stranger, tell me how to avoid de danger."

Barry says he will then show up and "gives you a bit of advice like check the breaks on your car or the battery's gone on your smoke alarm." But, Barry warns, "don't ask another question, if you do you'll get bad luck. The only way to reverse it is to squirt lemon in your eyes."

If you've ever wanted to get intimate with a ghost, in this ritual Barry tells you how. Although Ray told him afterwards, "Barry, you've just described a wank."

To draw in a spirit and tempt it into your bed.

A bed

Whatever you need to set the mood (candles, incense, mood lighting, or music)

Full instructions: Click here

This ritual is a little mysterious, it was sent in by Carlos a Brazilian fan. He claims it comes from the Tupi–Guarani tribe. There are no details of this ritual anywhere online.

The ritual is said to summon Anhangá, once in his presence you may ask one of two things of him. You may ask a question or ask for a wish.

To be alone

A spot in the forest which is close to a lake or a pond

Cauim, a drink made from mandioca root or something similar like whiskey or root beer

It is advised that you do this on a night with clear skies

A knife

Sit in front of the pond or lake, clear your mind and say these words, "I am brave, I am strong, I am son of the North."

After this, have a generous helping of your drink, then close your eyes. After one minute you may open then.

If any of the following happen, you must stop and not carry on:

If you throw up

If thunder or lightning strikes

If the pond or lake turns red

To stop the ritual you simply get up, go home and go to bed. If you decide to continue, then you need to say the following words, "come to me Anhangá, I wait for you Anhangá."

Then you need to look at the water and the figure of a "hellish looking black dog should appear, this is Anhangá."

Barry warns not to touch the water beyond this point or your soul will belong to him. Now you are in the presence of Anhangá, you can ask your question, but he will ask one of your darkest secrets in return as payment.

Alternatively, if you ask for a wish he will grant it, but he will ask for a pound of your flesh as payment.

During a spontaneous live version of the podcast at the Lacehouse during the Nottingham Comedy Festival, Barry told fans in the audience how to play the Charlie Charlie game.

Some believe that by taking part in this ritual you are contacting the spirit of a young boy who killed himself. Others believe this ritual is dangerous and that you are, in actual fact, contacting a demon.

A sheet of paper.

2 pencils.

Full instructions: Click here