The Best Of Higgypop's Artificially Unintelligent Chat Bot

April 10, 2019 6:00 AM ‐ Long Reads
Mobile Phones In Hands
About a year ago I had a live chat bot to my website that allowed user to chat to a digital version of me. 

This chat bot, which is currently a work in progress, is programmed to respond exactly like I would. Users can ask questions about my YouTube videos, the topics I've written about on my website, or anything else they want.

Over the last few months, I've been logging the chats the bot has had with users to my website in order to improve the bot's understanding and add more responses and better question recognition.

Sometimes the chat logs are useful, sometimes they are meaningless drivel, but other times they are hilarious. So, I thought I'd share with you, some of the most amusing chats that random strangers have had with the virtual me. All names and personal information has been removed for privacy reasons.

Let's start out with this chat log, a basic conversation which shows you roughly what a normal conversation should look like.

Aimee: HELLO
Higgypop: Hello.
Aimee: How are you
Higgypop: I'm mostly good, thanks. How are you?
Aimee: I'm good what are you doing
Higgypop: Nothing really, just sat here chatting to people.


Sometimes these chats work perfectly. The bot understands what the user is saying and provides relevant and seemingly meaningful responses...


Dylan: Hi
Higgypop: Hi, how are you?
Dylan: I'm good my name is Dylan
Higgypop: That's good to hear, I'm glad.
Dylan: Tomorrow is my birthday
Higgypop: Honestly?
Dylan: Yes
Higgypop: Cool, that's good.
Dylan: Can you make a birthday themed potion or spell video
Higgypop: I'll put that on my potion ideas list.
Dylan: Thanks
Higgypop: You are highly welcome.


Or this...


Aaron: Hello
Higgypop: Hello!
Aaron: Can you make a portal potion
Higgypop: I'll add that to my potions idea list.
Aaron: Ok
Higgypop: What?
Aaron: I said ok
Higgypop: I see.
Aaron: K bye
Higgypop: Nice talking to you, bye.


Sometimes I read through the logs and forget some of the random response I have programmed into it, like this odd confession...


Marc: Hi
Higgypop: Hi!
Marc: How are you?
Higgypop: I'm pretty good, thanks. How are you?
Marc: Tired.
Higgypop: Amazing!
Marc: Nah. I hate being tired.
Higgypop: Oh, right.
Marc: Are you gay?
Higgypop: I class myself as 'retro sexual'.
Marc: Oh.


Usually these conversation are fairly short, users realise it's a bot and there's a limit to how interesting it can be, but sometimes users seem to have full and satisfying conversations. Here's a conversation with a girl who want a magical wolf potion...


Lexi: I want a wolf spell like twillight 
Higgypop: Wolf? Why?
Lexi: Beacuse i like wolves
Higgypop: Are you joking?
Lexi: No
Higgypop: Right, got it.
Lexi: Are are you going to give to me
Higgypop: Ha, no.
Lexi: Ok so do you know how to make.
Higgypop: I don't think I do.
Lexi: Just try 
Higgypop: Why?
Lexi: Beacuse want become one
Higgypop: Are you joking?
Lexi: No
Higgypop: OK, I see.
Lexi: Post the video in youtube after you are done
Higgypop: Is that what you want?
Lexi: Yeah
Higgypop: OK, that's nice.
Lexi: So how much time will it take
Higgypop: You already know that don't you?
Lexi: Just tell me
Higgypop: Hmmm, I don't know.
Lexi: Please 
Higgypop: OK.
Lexi: Thanks you
Higgypop: You are highly welcome.
Lexi: So are you just going to post it in youtube
Higgypop: Right...
Lexi: So i think i will wait
Higgypop: OK...
Lexi: Thanks
Higgypop: No problem.
Lexi: Are you going to post the video in
Higgypop: Yeah.
Lexi: I have to go
Higgypop: HA!
Lexi: Bye
Higgypop: Nice talking to you, bye.


This conversation also ran the distance, even though I was a little rude to the poor chatter to start with...


Leyla: higgypop where do you get your ingredients?
Higgypop: Isn't that sort of obvious?
Leyla: where do you get invisible water?
Higgypop: I'm not sure I can answer that.
Leyla: Ok
Higgypop: And...?
Leyla: i did not hear how to get the shoutout on the video
Higgypop: Good.
Leyla: ๐Ÿ˜”
Higgypop: Why are you asking me?
Leyla: cause i did not here it from the video
Higgypop: Haha
Leyla: i'm just grade 4
Higgypop: HAHA!
Leyla: i want to get a shout out
Higgypop: Is that really what you want?
Leyla: yes
Higgypop: Are you sure?
Leyla: yes the with wand set
Higgypop: OK.
Leyla: cause i havent make one potion
Higgypop: I know.
Leyla: ok
Higgypop: I'm glad you told me this.
Leyla: i am second runner up at math quiz bee 
Higgypop: Bee? I love them.
Leyla: you love bees?
Higgypop: I don't know anything about bees.
Leyla: oh i mean quiz bee??
Higgypop: Bee... Not something I know much about.
Leyla: i did not study even but i was second in math celebration
Higgypop: Honestly?
Leyla: yes,i have a certificate
Higgypop: Cool, that's good.


Another website visitor who ventured into the chat has a question about wands...


Kierra: How did you get a wand
Higgypop: Why do you ask?
Kierra: I have always wanted to have a wand
Higgypop: I see...
Kierra: But I know you can't tell me
Higgypop: I guess...
Kierra: Can I have a wand
Higgypop: Why are you asking me?
Kierra: Because I want to be like you 
Higgypop: You're kidding!
Kierra: But I don't want one i would like one
Higgypop: This is very exciting information.


I thought this chat log was funny too, mostly because the virtual me told a couple of funny jokes that I'd forgotten I'd written into it...


Kaden: Hello
Higgypop: Hello.
Kaden: Who are you?
Higgypop: You might know me as Higgypop, my real name is Steve.
Kaden: Hey Steve.
Higgypop: Hello.
Kaden: May I know your full name?
Higgypop: How should I know?
Kaden: Ask your dad
Higgypop: Amazing!
Kaden: Are you married?
Higgypop: Nope, I'm single.
Kaden: When were you born?
Higgypop: Why do you ask?
Kaden: I want to know how old you are
Higgypop: Old, I'm 37 years old is my age.
Kaden: I do not want to talk to you
Higgypop: Are you joking?
Kaden: yeah
Higgypop: Right, got it.
Kaden: Tell me a joke
Higgypop: I needed a new kettle, I asked the guy at the counter if he could sell me one, he said 'Kenwood?' So I said 'Ok, where can I find Ken?'
Kaden: Another joke
Higgypop: What do you call a donkey with three legs? ...A disabled donkey.
Kaden: tell me a poem
Higgypop: Hmmm, I don't know.


There were times when the chat bot displayed very very poor bedside manner and was frankly pretty heartless...


Shayla: hi
Higgypop: Hey.
Shayla: i want to die.
Higgypop: That doesn't sound like a good idea.
Shayla: can you help me?
Higgypop: I'm not sure I can help you.
Shayla: i need someone to talk to me
Higgypop: Yeah?
Shayla: i told you 
Higgypop: Yes, I know.
Shayla: I'm just crying
Higgypop: Really?
Shayla: i want to go 
Higgypop: I wants don't get!
Shayla: bye 
Higgypop: Nice talking to you, bye.


But other times the advice given by the chat bot actually seemed to help...


Jordyn: Hi
Higgypop: Hi!
Jordyn: So.. I have a crush on a boy but he said he'd never go out with me. I just did your love quiz and it said we had a 93% chance together.
Higgypop: Honestly?
Jordyn: Yeah I'm telling the truth
Higgypop: OK.
Jordyn: He's so cute
Higgypop: WOW, OK!
Jordyn: But, his reaction when my bestie told him I like him... ;(
Higgypop: Oh, right.
Jordyn: I don't know if he likes me or no
Higgypop: Hmmm, I don't know.
Jordyn: So.. my old crush thought that I asked a boy out. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?
Higgypop: I'm glad you told me this.
Jordyn: Glad to tell you and just get it all out
Higgypop: Yeah, I know.
Jordyn: lol
Higgypop: Funny.
Jordyn: you funny bruh
Higgypop: Amazing!
Jordyn: No joke
Higgypop: Ah, I see.
Jordyn: you see what? You talk just like all my friends, btw.
Higgypop: I see, tell me more...
Jordyn: you super funny bro
Higgypop: You must know that already!
Jordyn: Thx for talking to me. I need to continue with my homework.
Higgypop: You're highly welcome.
Jordyn: Umm.... bye?
Higgypop: Bye, nice talking to you!
Jordyn: Nice talking to u too
Higgypop: Bye!


Unfortunately, the one thing the Higgychat bot seemed to be best at was being plain rude, I felt quote bad for its behaviour while reading back through some of the chats, like this one...


Zoey: Hi higgypop
Higgypop: Hello.
Zoey: How can you make love potion
Higgypop: Why do you ask?
Zoey: So I can make it 
Higgypop: Why?
Zoey: I've been dumped 
Higgypop: Honestly?
Zoey: Yes 
Higgypop: Cool, that's good.


This person thought their child's bedroom was haunted...


Helen: Hello
Higgypop: Hey, how are you?
Helen: There is something weird happening in my 2 year olds room
Higgypop: Ha
Helen: What do you mean โ€˜haโ€™ piece of s**t!!!!
Higgypop: Funny.


Some people who chatted to the chat bot seemed very friendly...


Carly: Hi
Higgypop: Hello, how are you?
Carly: Good
Higgypop: Great!
Carly: I love you
Higgypop: Awww, I love you too.
Carly: I got a nice body 
Higgypop: Are you joking?
Carly: No
Higgypop: Really?
Carly: Ya
Higgypop: For real?
Carly: Wanna date?
Higgypop: I'm sorry, I don't understand.


I feel the way this chatted ended was a bit of a missed opportunity, I need to improve my virtual flirting skills.

Then there was the polar opposite to this, a chatter who turned out to be my arch nemesis and return to the page time and time again to tell me how much she hated me. In the end I wrote custom responses for her IP address. Here's the abridged version of her attack on me...


Nicole: I don't like your videos higgy pop
Higgypop: Really?
Nicole: Yes
Higgypop: Really?
Nicole: Yes its because there fake 
Higgypop: Oh, OK.
Nicole: I hate you piggy pop
Higgypop: Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too.
Nicole: Fine i be nice to you
Higgypop: Good.
Nicole: Good bye forever steve higgy pop 
Higgypop: Nice talking to you, bye.


Nicole: Thats it i want you out of youtube piggy pop dumb butt
Higgypop: You are so demanding!
Nicole: Excuse me what did you say
Higgypop: Really?
Nicole: Yes
Higgypop: Cool, that's good.
Nicole: You idiot its not good
Higgypop: For real?
Nicole: Yes idiot 
Higgypop: OK, that's nice.
Nicole: Stop being nice right now 
Higgypop: What do you mean by that?
Nicole: Nothing mean is nice you imbisol
Higgypop: I see, tell me more...
Nicole: Die for real or else
Higgypop: Sorry, what?


Nicole: FAT BUTT JERK NO MORE JOKE IDIOT 
Higgypop: OK...
Nicole: IN YOUR VIDEO YOU SAID PEGUINS CAN FLY IN YOUR FLYING VIDEO
Higgypop: Haha, fly?
Nicole: YES
Higgypop: Right, got it.
Nicole: PEGUINS DON'T FLY 
Higgypop: Fly? Why?
Nicole: BECAUSE THEY CAN'T FLY
Higgypop: Is that what you think?
Nicole: YES
Higgypop: Are you sure?
Nicole: YEAH YOU IDIOT 
Higgypop: OK, that's nice.
Nicole: QUIZ FOR YOU WHAT IS 1+1 ANSWER NOW 
Higgypop: I'm not sure I can answer that.
Nicole: DO IT NOW
Higgypop: I'm not sure about that.
Nicole: ANSWER MY QUESTION OR ELSE 
Higgypop: Are you joking?
Nicole: NO
Higgypop: OK.
Nicole: ANSWER ME WHAT'S 1+1
Higgypop: Hmmm, I don't know.
Nicole: ITS 2 YOU IDIOT YOU ARE A DUMMY
Higgypop: Oh, I see.
Nicole: GO AWAY 
Higgypop: Huh?
Nicole: BECAUSE YOU ANNOYING ME
Higgypop: Thanks for the info.
Nicole: BYE LIAR
Higgypop: Bye!


Nicole: stay out of youtube idiot!!! ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก
Higgypop: HA!
Nicole: im telling the poilce
Higgypop: I see, tell me more...
Nicole: no more jokes now out ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ 
Higgypop: Are you sure?
Nicole: die โ˜ ๐Ÿ’€โ˜ ๐Ÿ’€โ˜ ๐Ÿ’€
Higgypop: LOL
Nicole: kill
Higgypop: Ah, I see.


Nicole: I HAD ENOUGH OF YOU HIGGYPOP!!!!!!!!!!!
Higgypop: I understand...
Nicole: YOU IDIOT
Higgypop: Well, that's not nice.
Nicole: IN YOUR CHANGING EYE VIDEO WHY DID YOU WANT RED EYES THAT MAKES YOU LOOK EVIL 
Higgypop: You think I know that?
Nicole: THATS IT IM DONE STAB YOUR SELF WITH A KNIFE FOR REAL
Higgypop: I have a knife.
Nicole: NOW STAB YOUSELF FOR REAL NOW 
Higgypop: Right, got it.
Nicole: VERY HARD 
Higgypop: What do you mean by that?
Nicole: DIE
Higgypop: This is very exciting information.
Nicole: NOW STAB YOUSELF WIYH THE KNIFE NOW GOOD BYE
Higgypop: I have a knife.
Nicole: I SAID KILL YOURSELF RIGHT NOW 
Higgypop: Yeah, I know.
Nicole: IM GONNA COUNT AND ON THE COUNT OF 3 STAB YOURSELF
Higgypop: Right, got it.
Nicole: 3,2,1 STAB YOURSELF 
Higgypop: Hmmm, I guess...
Nicole: DIE NOW GOODBYE
Higgypop: Bye, nice talking to you!
Nicole: GOOD BYE IDIOT 


Nicole: ALL RIGHT I REALLY HAD ENOUGH OF YOU 
Higgypop: For real?
Nicole: YES IDIOT 
Higgypop: OK, that's nice.
Nicole: YOU IDIOT ITS NOT YOU ARE SO DUMB 
Higgypop: Hehe
Nicole: ITS NOT FUNNY IDIOT 
Higgypop: I need to know more.
Nicole: YOU BETTER STOP SAYING STIR WELL YOUR MIXTURE WELL 
Higgypop: Yeah, I know.
Nicole: GET A GUN AND SHOT YOUSELF FAT MAN 
Higgypop: What do you mean?
Nicole: KILL YOURSELF NOW 
Higgypop: I guess...
Nicole: I MEAN IT IM NOT KIDDING
Higgypop: Yeah, I know.
Nicole: GREAT NOW PEE YOURSELF 
Higgypop: Really?
Nicole: DO IT RIGHT NOW  !!!!!!!
Higgypop: Alright...
Nicole: DID YOU DO IT
Higgypop: OK.
Nicole: GO AWAY ICKY POP
Higgypop: LOL
Nicole: GOODBYE FOR EVER IDIOT
Higgypop: Bye!


Nicole: ur an idiot
Higgypop: Huh?
Nicole: f**k of
Higgypop: It's my website, so how about you f**k off.
Nicole: f**k u
Higgypop: No, f**k you!
Nicole: ill report u
Higgypop: Really?
Nicole: to the police u dumb arsehole
Higgypop: No comment.
Nicole: f**k you bitch u stupid arsehole
Higgypop: Oooh, someone's angry!
Nicole: eat my face
Higgypop: Sorry, what?
Nicole: f**k off
Higgypop: It's my website, so how about you f**k off.
Nicole: bastard
Higgypop: Oh
Nicole: how old r u
Higgypop: Why do you need to know?
Nicole: u look 50
Higgypop: Yeah?
Nicole: hahahahha
Higgypop: I'm glad you told me this.


So, at this point I decided to inject some custom responses just for Nicole...


Nicole: ok thats it i had enough
Higgypop: Go away, Nicole. You're the nastiest child I've ever spoken to.
Nicole: WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME
Higgypop: You evil little bitch. You're the nastiest child I've ever spoken to.
Nicole: YOU CURSER
Higgypop: I know your IP address, Nicole. I have tracked you. I know you live in Colorado Springs.
Nicole: KILL YOURSELF
Higgypop: I've blocked you from the comments section of my website and YouTube because you're a rude little bitch.
Nicole: STOP IT
Higgypop: Nicole, it's not my fault you're too stupid to realise my videos are for entertainment only.
Nicole: fine its not your fault
Higgypop: I've blocked you from the comments section of my website and YouTube because you're a rude little bitch.
Nicole: fine im sorry ๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฃ
Higgypop: Go away, Nicole! I don't want to talk to you. You're horrible.
Nicole: stop being mean to me
Higgypop: I don't want to talk to you, Nicole.
Nicole: sorry


A few days later Nicole returned using a different IP, thus avoiding my personalised abuse. This is the last time she's used the chat bot...


Nicole: hello higgypop
Higgypop: Hello!
Nicole: so i was wondering that im never hating you ever again
Higgypop: What do you mean?
Nicole: im sorry that i hated you
Higgypop: Why?
Nicole: beacayse i got sick of youre silly things in your videos
Higgypop: Honestly?
Nicole: can make a thunder power potion for your thursday video
Higgypop: How should I know?
Nicole: because i want to see ypu make make another potion for your next video
Higgypop: I'll see what I can do, I have my next few potion videos planned already though.
Nicole: ok bye
Higgypop: Bye!


Awww, poor Nicole. If you'd like to say hello then you can try the chatbot our for yourself...

Try It Yourself...

  • Chat To Higgypop

    September 11, 2017 1:33 PM

    Do you have a question about potions, the paranormal or just want to chat? Well, now you can talk to me every day of the week, not just Sundays. It's your chance to talk in realtime to Higgypop.

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