My Email Affair With Anna From The Russian Dating Agency, "Land Of Love"
April 17, 2009 2:01 AM ‐ Long Reads
Here's some SPAM I received from a Russian scammer recently, I love to play along with these sort of things.
This letter arrived to you from Russian Internet dating agency "Land of Love". Our client miss Anna, 25 years old from Saint Petersburg, Russia. She addressed to our agency. She wants to search man from USA for friendship or love. Miss Anna is never married and have no children. You can see miss Anna at picture.
You can see miss Anna at picture. ???? What does that mean?
Also, if she is looking for someone from the USA, then why have you emailed me? Idiots!
Worst spammers ever!!
My name is Anna. My birthday on April, 20th 1983. And me 26 years will be fast. I live in Russia, in very beautiful city of St.-Petersburg. I very cheerful and beautiful woman. And I wish to be even happier. I live and I work in Russia as the children's teacher.
As you already understand to write to you my first letter I have addressed in agency of acquaintances. I have paid there 7 dollars, and to me have told that my letter will be sent to lonely to the man which wishes to meet the woman from Russia.
I as very much hope that you like my photos, and you would like to meet me. I am valid for a photo, and you can see me in the future.
The matter is that it is very fast, namely on March, 4th I can receive the visa to your country. Therefore I very much hope that we could have our meeting. I for the first time in the life shall visit the Europe, and I to not have friends or the friend in the Europe.
But also I have some questions for you:
1. Whether you can meet me on March, 5th?
2. What airport will be more convenient for our meeting?
Your friend from Russia Anna
I am always interested in meeting new people, however I'm not looking for a relationship right now.
But if you wanted someone to show you around London then I would be more than happy.
The 5th March is my birthday but I'm not celebrating it until the weekend so I am free on the day.
I can get to Heathrow Airport in about 20 minutes from where I live if you wanted a tour guide.
Sorry, I don't have a photo on me at the moment as I am in work.
How are you doing? I hope that you well today and you have good day today and excellent mood. I am very happy to receive your letter and the nobility that you really wish our meeting, and you can meet me in the airport.
As I already spoke in this letter I would like to tell not much more about me. Therefore I write to you all that I think, and all that comes to my head. And though I understand, that one our meeting cannot replace hundred letters, I nevertheless shall write to you as much as possible about me and my life.
Mine mum and the daddy live separately 10 years. Now the daddy the pensioner, also lives one in the house in a wood, the daddy is engaged in hunting and fishing. Earlier my father worked as the dental doctor.
My mum call Oksana. I live with my mum in our house. Now my mum too the pensioner, but earlier mum worked at factory, mum murder will out clothes.
I mostly don't understand what you are saying, but all sounds fine to me.
Just let me know your plans as they develop, perhaps I can help you with your English while you are here too.
I am happy to receive your letter very soon.
But I do not understand, what you to not understand in my letter?
And why you do not write to me about yourself?
Sorry, I just found your email quite hard to read, your English isn't too good.
"Now the daddy the pensioner, also lives one in the house in a wood, the daddy is engaged in..."
The daddy? Do you mean "your Daddy" or "my Daddy" ..."the daddy" doesn't make sense.
"Now my mum too the pensioner, but earlier mum worked at factory, mum murder will out clothes."
I'm not sure what "my mum to the pensioner means", do you mean "my Mum is a pensioner" and "murder", she is a murderer?
And this, I didn't understand... "About that that now I shall fly to Belgium all my family knows and all are happy, that I can visit your country."
Sorry to be picky, I just struggled a bit and I'm now worried that language may be a barrier when we meet.
To tell you a bit about me... my name is Steve Bronce Higgins and I am twelvety-eight.
I have lived in London since October, I work in finance... not a god place to be right now. My parents both live in Oxford where I am from. My hobbies are walking, running and shoe restoration.
I understand that my English is not so good. My mum not the murderer, my mum makes clothes. My daddy the pensioner, and it lives now not with us. My parents have divorced 10 years ago.
I very cheerful and sports woman, I always went in for sports, and most of all I love aerobics. I am engaged in gymnastics, and dances. I when did not smoke, and I do not take alcohol, only in special cases. (the Birthday, New Year)
I as when was not married, and have no children. And now I have no what boyfriend. Therefore I am absolutely free. But I very much like to waste time with mine friends, my mum and the sister.
I very much like to go to a campaign, to go to a wood, in mountains........................ It is fine. On fresh air I can spend all the day because I love fresh air. I very much like our nature. And in the house of my mother there are two horses, I love walk on horses.
It is a pity to me, that we cannot call each other, but my mobile phone is not included. I hope that you understand it?
Nice reading your email. Glad to hear you like the outdoors, me too!
You also said you like to go to a campaign in the woods and mountains? What campaigns do you mean?
I am pleased that you are looking forward to meeting up, how are your plans coming together? As I said in my first email though, I'm not interested in starting a romantic relationship but your friendship is welcome.
hello my dear Steve!
I am very happy to receive your letter, I really hope that we can be greater friends.
I really very much like to have a rest in a wood and mountains. I to go from mountain with friends with whom I went to school.
Our company very amicable and we always have good time. And that you to do for rest.
I understand from your letter that you to search only friendship but why you do not want more serious attitudes?
Thanks once again for your emails, I am enjoying talking with you.
Well after the last relationship I was in I'm not sure about going in to another romantic partnership. To be honest with you, it all ended a bit badly last time. I'm still being dragged through the courts over all of that. It wasn't really my fault, I just got angry and she fell and landed in an awkward way.
I guess I am open to the possibility of romantic eggulisations but it would take me a little bit of time to get resdunded. We'll just have to see how well we get on I suppose, after all, you are very attractive.
So you like to walk in the woods? You don't take part in campaigns there?
Good morning my lovely Steve!
How are you today? I hope that all well and you to have good day today and good mood.
My work will come to an end yesterday, and I can study more Moscow, and in my letter I shall write to you more about this fine city.
Why you do not write to me more about the city???????? Your city is really beautiful? What is especially beautiful? When I shall arrive to you I very much would like to have walks of the pedestrian with you, I very much like to walk.
To walk on night city, to hold your hand and to look at stars.................. I really think that it very beautifully.
I very much ask you to write to me more how you understand love???? Whether you can grow fond of me???? You when loved on the present??? You had a love.
Good morning, I hope you are well!
The reason I tend not to write much is that I find your emails quite difficult to read and I am unsure how easily you are understanding my English. For example, your questions you have asked me to answer, I don't really understand them.
I very much ask you to write to me more how you understand love????
How I understand love? Do you mean, what does love mean to me?
Whether you can grow fond of me????
I may be able to grow fond of you, you are very beautiful in your photos and you seem very sweet.
You when loved on the present??? You had a love.
I don't know what this means - it doesn't make sense.
OK, I'll tell you more about London. I have been living here since October. My favourite places to go are the Science Museum which is really good fun and interesting. I like to walk but since I have moved here I haven't had much opportunity, I'm along way from countryside now. I do like to walk along the Thames at night though. Although there's not much chance of seeing the stars in London.
I work in Canary Wharf which is a really nice part of town, very modern and the home of several large banks. I live in Vauxhall in a big apartment block overlooking the Thames. Unfortunately I live on the wrong side of the building to get the best view.
Hope you have a good day, looking forward to seeing you... it's only a week today!!
Good day my lovely Steve!!!
I hope that you well feel very well this morning in this day.
I sad not much..................... But to sad only because we cannot already be together today. I really very much wish to be with you. I want that you held my hand and looking in my eyes, spoke me about our love.
I really hope that you to admire with my beauty, and I hope that you will be always happy that. I shall be near to you.
My heart is really compressed each time when I think of you. When I receive your letter.................... I think that I require you.
Each time I fly as a bee, I wish to arrive to you and this big happiness for me that you too to want it.
I very much hope that your words, and your desire sincere..................... Also that this Fairy tale, was a reality and we were in love.
Millions kisses for you and all my love.
For ever yours Anna.
P.S I ask to write you more what to feel your heart.
Oh my gosh, your emails really are becoming increasingly difficult to read. Please could you answer a few of my questions....
1) Can you speak English or are you using a translator?
2) Do you think we will be able to talk OK when we meet?
3) Have you arranged somewhere to stay in London and how long are you staying?
4) Do you know what time your flight gets in to the city yet? Looking online it seems flights from Moscow land at 8, 8:50 and 9:30am.
I cannot talk more about the feeling from my heart, we have only been emailing for a few days. I am looking forward to meeting you and I think you are hot but I can't say I love you and couldn't describe our meeting as a fairytale as you have.
Meeting will be fun and exciting and if you are as beautiful in real life as you seem to be in your photos, and, as I have previously said, if your poor understanding of the English language doesn't stand in our way then our friendship could well develop in to something more serious.
Good morning my lovely Steve!
I each time am happy to receive your letter. But me sadly nobility that that my English language is not absolutely well clear for you. But I try to write each time all more clear for you.
1. I am really independent I can speak in English, and I do not use the translator.
2. I think that we can understand each other when we shall meet.
3. I for the present do not know where I shall remain in London.
4. On Monday I shall go to the airport and to reserve the ticket for me. I shall inform you details on Monday. ÐžÐº?
I as understand, that your heart still is not yet in love, and you to not feel yet what to feel my heart. But I very much hope that all will soon vary, and my letters will like your heart.
I kiss you also wait for your letter.
I thanks, yeas well I am happy moods.
Let me give you a few pointers on your English if you don't mind...
"I each time am happy to receive your letter. But me sadly nobility that that my English language is not absolutely well clear for you"
This should be written:
"You make me happy each time I receive your email, but it saddens me that you find that my English language isn't absolutely clear"
I hope that helps and that I don't sound contraflabbed or dismeaning.
WOW, you're not booking your flight until Monday? Are you going to be able to book it at such short notice? Do you know what part of London you'll be staying in. I live in South-North London so just wondered if you would be near me.
I probably won't get a chance to email you again today as my company respect Rosbeck Friday when we cut ourselves off from email and internet communication and speaking to each other only through verbal methods (and of course chalk board).
Most of London practices Rosbeck Friday as it is one of the seven-twenty large capital business district in the upper Earth region. Lord Geoffrey Rosbeck first introduced the Internet-free day back in 1936, it increases productivity, creativity and of course productivity.
So, happy Rosbeck Friday to you, look forward to seeing you soon.
Good day my love............. My dream Steve!!!
I hope that this day passes well for you and you have good day and very good mood.
Today there was very sated day for me. I could see many beautiful places in Moscow because I was on excursion on Moscow, and heard about this city much.
I very much hope that we shall have greater love, and we can visit Moscow together and see this beautiful city, and I hope that we can see city in which I live.
Today when, I saw their beautiful persons, persons of enamoured people I was happy. It is happy because I dreamed about ours with you a meeting and I hope that as also we shall have our passionate kisses, and we shall be happy in the future.
I wish to do you happy because I think that you very good the man and you have deserved it.
Now I wish to learn you as the man more, and to tell about my character.
Moscow sounds almost as beautiful and amazing as you. I think they most interesting place I've visited is Rosham. It's a small farm near Brocknill but it's massive! I love it there, they have cows, they have pigs, they have sheep, they have turkeys, they have ducks, they have hens, they have horses, they have cows, they have children and they have budgies and they have queggs.
I know queggs aren't animals but they had a whole barn full of them, I took about 74.6 home with me, we were eating roast quegg for the next month, it was so funny that milk came out of my nose.
I was chatting to a friend about you at scholk today, I was telling him how excited I am that a hot Russia girl (you) is coming to visit me via the gift of airplane through the sky. We ended up having an argument, he says that you have cars in Russia but last time I was there I didn't see a single car any where. I bet him 5 daktar that there weren't cars. So, are there cars? I am right aren't I?
My days has been quite good so far, Rosbeck Friday is always a fun day. As I said earlier, we've been communicating in 1940s style all day today, I have chalk all over me and my pylons are pointy.
You want to know more about me as a man, my character? OK, well being bisexual I am very open minded, I am very spiritual, I believe in ghosts, rats and UFO (Unidentified Fried Omelets). I have seven hairs and strong beliefs in the occult.
When I was 8 I was trapped in a basement for 7 years, I think this is what lead to my claustrophobia and agoraphobia which I suffer from now. I was kept for 7 years by a manbearpig (basically it's someone who is half man, half bear and half pig - you are probably familiar with bears coming from Russia, I read that you have the biggest population of Yogi Bears in the world).
Since then I haven't been able to look a bear in the eyes, I don't trust them anymore. I think it was this experience which led to my, let's say, changeable moods. Luckily I haven't hurt anyone in some time so you should be fine.
I find it exciting in my pants the way that the more we talk to each other, the stronger my feelings become. This may sound silly as I realise that we have never met and that we've only been emailing for a week... but in time, I think I could really fall for you in the style of love.
Take care my sweet ambush,
Good morning for you my lovely Steve!
I understand that my English not so well, and you to laugh over me.................... It is amusing. But I when to not ignore your questions, and I certainly wish to answer all questions which you have for me but I cannot understand all that you write to me.
I walked today really much and had fine day. Today very warm and to walk pleasantly but every minute I thought of you and our meeting.
I think that our meeting can really do us very happy.
I kiss you also wait for your letter.
Sorry I didn't mean to laugh at you, let me explain... if you spent the day walking you would say "I spent the day walking". A "pedestrian" is a person who walks at the side of a road. When you combine words, the phrase "walks of the pedestrian" is actually quite rude, it's a euphemism for a quite dirty sexual act.
So to say you have been doing "walks of the pedestrian" would mean that you spent the day with two men... and well, let's leave it at that.
Only two days now until you book your flight, you must be very excited! I can't wait until Thursday! I've never met a Russian human before.
Good morning my lovely Steve!
I understand that you think of me much and that you want ours I shall meet. I as very much wish to be with you and I dream of you every minute. And how you have lead yesterday? What did you do yesterday?
I walked yesterday because Moscow really very beautiful city, and it is very pleasant to me to see Moscow really much.
As I already wrote, tomorrow I shall go to travel agency and I shall reserve my ticket. Therefore tomorrow in the morning I shall inform you time and date of flight.
I kiss you my love.
Forever yours Anna.
Good morning to you too my lovely beef cake!
I hope you are OK and have had a good day, mine has been fine. I've been attacking swans at John Craven Park, which is a big park in London - it's a great place to walk if you are mentally retarded.
I can't believe that you are booking your flight tomorrow, the week has gone by so quickly!!! I've very excited and looking forward to Thursday!!
Can I ask you, when we meet... I realise that I don't know you too well but when we meet will it be OK to touch you? May be even offer you the free gift of a hug? I have never hugged a lady before.
Let me know if you need any help with sorting out a hotel, of course I will be able to help you with luggage at the airport and provide you with a lift to your hotel to drop your things off, unless of course you would rather come straight back to my apartment for a look around ...or whatever.
Kisses to you too bradley,
Good morning my lovely Steve!
I hope that this week-end was fine for you and you had good time and excellent mood. I am very happy to receive your letter, and to realize that up to our meeting to remain all of less time and already very soon I can embrace you, and certainly kiss.
Today I shall go to travel agency and to reserve the ticket for me. As soon as I shall know more information on my ticket, and all to a detail I shall write to you the letter.
I really have very complex nights now because every minute I think only of you. I close eyes and I represent our meeting. In our meeting all will be beautifully and perfectly.
Now I should go.
Forever yours Anna.
P.S Please send me yours foto .............. I want see you.
Word up Anna my main man!
The weekend passed fine for me and my mood is supreme. I am also hella glad that out meeting to remain all of less time, in just 5.8 days I will be able to embrace your face open and may be even plant kisses on your eyes.
Great, I hope all goes well at the travel advisory board and that they are able to sort out your tickets, tickets, tickets!
I am looking forward with both my actual eyes to hearing how you got on, cough.
I hope your head is full of beauty today as you start to pack your dogs and owl parts in to your luxurious leather suitcase.
My nights are also very complex as I think of you more than seven times an hour.
I am in work right now at this very second moment so I don't have a photogiraffe that I can send but let me describe my self to you via words of typing. I am 9 foot 4 foot 6, I have four cream coloured eye and six hairs which are made of brown. My beard is not on my face and I have roughly two face-adjoined ears which I hear with.
What do you think? Like the sound of me? Think you will like me?
I will send on a photo later this evening when the fire ball weighs low in the sky.
Take care, see you in three days.
I am throwing love at you,
Finally home from work, I got home early in the end due to an exploding colleague. I might end up having tomorrow off too, they're going to be cleaning the mess up for days. Well, that's the pressure of banking at the moment I suppose.
Anyway, here's a photo of me. I hope you like what you see.
Steve.................... You to try to deceive me.
I to not trust that it is your photo.
You are right, it was just a crazy front mind joke which I was playing with love on you!!
Sorry, hope you can for-under-given me and we can continuate our relations of dealings in the love.
Here's is my real photogiraffe of my human face - sorry!
Hello my love, my the intimate friend Steve!!!
How are you???? I hope that you well today and your heart is full of happiness and love.
Now still Monday, and I understand that you already to require a detail of my flight, but please understand that I can to give all to a detail only on Wednesday when I shall receive my visa.
I dream about our first kiss, our embraces.
It's so good to hear from you, thanks for replying. I'm glad you have forgiven my stupidity.
It seems like you are the type of girl who likes to leave things until the last minute.
So, you are getting your tickets on Wednesday, when do you intend to fly, Wednesday or Thursday?
I thought you would be flying on Wednesday evening so that you arrive early on Thursday morning so that we have the whole day together.
Do you know where you will be staying yet in London?
I'm so glad everything is OK between us again.
Good morning my lovely Steve!!!
Today really there was very complex day for me because it was difficult to receive for me the visa.
Today after I have received the visa, I have hastened in travel agency, where I to reserve my ticket to pay it and to have the information.
But I could not make it. Problem in that I have the tourist visa. With this visa I should have the insurance document that I can be in your country independently.
That is I should have at me cashes.
And minimal quantity which I should have it 1500 dollars. I do not know that to me to do now. I have the visa, but I cannot pass customs.
Therefore I ask you. You could help me with this money???
I shall not spend it, I shall bear only it on customs and as soon as I to arrive to you in the airport, I shall give this money.
Millions kisses for you.
For ever yours Anna.
That is bad news about the visa, so you would only need to borrow the money for the next 24 hours or so? Don't you have any spending money at all???
Hmmm... I am unsure, is that Russian dollars? I've just had a look at the exchange rate, that's about £30 - I mean it's not a huge amount so I guess I could send it to you via PayPal or something.
May be you could just buy me a meal when you get here in exchange or something.
When do you need to get this sorted by?
I do not know as works PayPal.
Please simply go to the Western Union and to send money there.
To me have told that it works very quickly.
Only 15 minutes, and I can receive money here.
I can receive money here in Russia in 15 minutes as soon as you will send money.
Please to not worry about it
This all sounds very complicated for the insides of my head and my brain, as it is just £30 could I not just use PayPal? PayPal is an instant transfer. I've never used Western Onion before so I am not sure how this process wonky-works.
I not absolutely understand you. I shall require in 1500 USA dollars. You understand it?
You can send me 1500 dollars USA?
I should have this of money for customs, and there is no other variant. You have no 1500 US dollars?
I shall wait your help.
Millions kisses for you.
For ever yours Anna.
Oh! USA dollars? Sorry, that's why I was confused... in the UK we use (£) British Pounds (GBP) so I assumed you must have meant 1500 Russian Rubles which is £30 (GPB) British Pounds.
My lunch break is in 20 minutes and there is a Western Onion near by.
1,500.00 RUB = 29.4534 GBP so I'll send you £30.
I'll let you know as soon as it is done.
A little while later...
It's all done so the money should be with you shortly, I made the transaction about half of 60 minutes ago so it should be ready for your sister to collectionate.
I think I need to give you the following details...
Sent in the name of: Stephen Peter Higgins
My address: 41 Harleyford Rd, Vauxhall, London, SE11 5AY
The M.T.C.N. is: 9819584492
And I'm not sure if you need the reference: AKR9379AD
I hope that is all OK, one problem though. I sent £1070 but there was a charge, it was only £6.78 so I paid £1076.87 in total, will you be OK to cover that cost once you are here?
My love Steve!
My sister just has come back from the western Union.
And she could not receive money. Have told that probably you did not do translation.
Or has made a mistake in MTCN.
Whether please to check up correctly you has specified number.
Or can you send a scan me?
Oh my Irish god in Devon, I'm so sorry!!!!
The number is 9829584492.
I must have typed it incorrectly.
I can send a scan you but I don't have a scanner at work, I won't be home for another 3 Earth hours.
You to not play with me because I just checked new number on a site of the Western Union and it too does not work.
The sister spoke with the Western Union, and there have told that they have no the information on that that you sent money.
What?! Geoff God! I hope it hasn't gone missing somewhere! I knew I shouldn't have used Western Onion! I am unfamiliar with how they operate.
The MTCN number is as I said previously 9829584492, that's what it says on the receipt.
I trusted you and used Western Onion with your advice, I hope you haven't cost me money!
You to not deceive me? To my sister have told that you did not send money.
You understand it?
Please to scan the receipt as soon as possible and to send it to me.
Then we can probably receive money.
I think that you simply to deceive me that you sent money, but did not do it.
You were in the Western Union today?
You have changed.... it seems like you are only talking to me for my money!
Earlier today you were telling me you loved me, now you are calling me a liar!!
I am being as honest as you are.
I do not name you the liar.
And I all still love you but I to be nervous that I all in the airport, and I do not know as to fly.
You understand me?
But I love you, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!
I don't like to hear that you are stuck in an air carriage portal on your own, I am also worried about the money what I are sent.
I will send a scan of the receipt as soon as I can.
I love you too, in a way.
OK' I will wait yours letter. I LOVE YOU!
I found a scanner on one of the floors here, sub-level 165 and managed to scan the receipt, see attached attachment which I have attached.
I love you right through to the bottom of your filthy black heart.
I hope that so we can get married soon and I can do sex on you for many hours. May be even some small sex babies could pop out and we could name them Fox and Mulder and then punish and mock them for being too young to even walk! Idiots, what kind of humans can't walk!?!
See you tomorrow,
Love forever and sometimes,
Good work..................... But you to make a mistake.
You have lost the woman which have really grown fond of you.
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