How To Brew A Super Speed Potion

The first thing you'll need is some fast flowing water. From the second the first drop hits your cauldron your 60 second countdown begins. Luckily fast flowing water flows at about three times the speed of regular water, which is why it's sometimes called "triple wet", this means it can be poured much quicker.

Next add about half a just of amphetamine sulphate, this can be quite hard to get hold off and is technically illegal to possess, even for use in potions.

Next add a freshly picked windrush leaf, a strong smelling reed which when eaten by insects and animals causes them to speed up dramatically.

Then you'll need some industrial lubricant like WD40, spray a could of spray's worth into your cauldron, I like to give the nozzle a quick "rat-a-tat tat."

Finally add in one pulped merciman's fruit, the merciman usually produces fruit in spring but the fruit is usually available from specialist retailers all year round.

Using a spoon or stick of your choice, stir well your mixture well.

Pour one spoonful of the potion into each of your favourite running shoes, including both the left and right shoe elements.

Next place your running shoes in the freezer and wait for 24 hours to give the potion time to solidify and bed in.

Once your shoes are ready, slip them on and enjoy your new super speed which should last for about seven Earth days.

You can use your new power to deliver pizza at high speeds thus guaranteeing you an excellent tip, and to travel across the country, mainly via corn fields.