Most Haunted Jokes

June 01, 2018

This page is more than six years old and was last updated in May 2022.

Jokes about the cast and crew of the long-running, British ghost hunting show, Most Haunted, hosted by Yvette Fielding, including terrifying puns and howling one-liners.

Q: If the Beattie Sports channel covered the cricket, who'd be playing on the Most Haunted team?

A: Fred would bat, and Yvette fielding.

Q: How do the Most Haunted team keep fit?

A: By exorcising regularly.

Q: What kind of street does Fred Batt live on?

A: A dead end.

Q: Why won't Yvette Fielding eat at KFC?

A: Because of poultrygeists.

Q: Why didn't the ghosts want Most Haunted filming in their house?

A: It was their terror-tory.

Karl leaves the house with the Wason.

Yvette: "Are you taking the donkey for a walk?"

Karl: "You mean the dog?"

Yvette: "Shhh, I am talking to Watson!"

Q: Why do the Most Haunted crew hate rain?

A: Because it dampens their spirits.

Q: What's the best way to watch Most Haunted?

A: On a big scream TV.

Q: What happened when Watson ate too much garlic?

A: His bark was worse than his bite.

Q: Why does Fred Batt advice you always read the fine print?

A: Because the devil is in the details.

Q: Why are the buildings Most Haunted visit so tall?

A: Because they have hundreds of ghost stories.

Glen Hunt: "My friends say I'm skeptical, but I don't believe them."

Q: What does Yvette use in her hair before the show?

A: Scarespray.

Q: Where do the Most Haunted team go after an investigation?

A: Anywhere that they can get boooooo-ze.

Q: Why did Yvette hear so many noises in the the graveyard?

A: Because of all the coffin.

Glen: I've worked out how the bike fell over at Eden Camp.

Yvette: How?

Glen: Because it was two-tired.

Q: What does Fred Batt serve to drink at Halloween parties?

A: Demonade.

Q: What's Yvette Fielding's favourite party game?

A: Hide and shriek.

Karl goes for a medical check-up, the doctor asks "do you do dangerous sports?"

"Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife."

Q: Why did Yvette and Karl phone the hotel reception during the witching hour?

A: To get broom service.

Q: How did Fred make the witch scratch herself?

A: He took away the 'w'.

Q: What's a lesson with Fred Batt called?

A: A demon-stration.

Q: Why did Stuart Torevell go outside at the Ancient Ram Inn?

A: To get some fresh hair.

Q: Where do Yvette and Karl go on holiday?

A: Mali-boo.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Fred!

Fred who?

Whose a Fred of ghosts?

Q: How did Yvette open the door to the house she was investigating?

A: With a skeleton key.

Q: What does Fred Batt eat for breakfast?

A: Deviled eggs.

For reviews of all of the new episodes, plus highlights and evidence from the shows, and to find out when Most Haunted is on next, visit the Most Haunted episode guide.