Ultimate List Of Cheese Jokes & Puns

March 14, 2013 12:52 AM

This article is more than ten years old and was last updated in August 2018.

Everyone loves a cheesy cheese joke, so I've collated a list of every single cheese joke and pun ever told. Feel free to add your cheese joke in the comments below.

A selection of cheeses

Q: What is the most religious cheese?
A: Swiss, because it's holy

Q: Which cheese has a drinking problem?
A: Morbier

Q: What kind of music do cheese fans listen to?
A: R 'n' Brie

Q: How do you handle dangerous cheese?
A: Carephilly

Q: What did the parmesan say when it broke up with mozzarella?
A: Sorry, but I am just too mature for you.

Q: What’s Jay Z's favourite cheese?
A: Brieoncé

Q: What kinds of cheese builds damns in water?
A: Rick-otter (ricotta)

Q: Did you hear about the explosion in the cheese factory?
A: De brie was everywhere!

Q: What is the world's strongest cheese?
A: Arnold Swartzecheddar

Q: What's the best cheese to hide a horse?
A: Mask-a-pony (mascarpone)

Q: Why didn't the cheese want to get sliced?
A: Because he had greater plans

Q: Why didn't the stilton want to play with the other cheeses?
A: He was too mature

Q: What do you say if a Mexican steals your cheese?
A: That's nacho cheese

Q: What's the best cheese to tempt a bear out of the woods?
A: Cam-on-bear (camembert)

Q: What cheese crashes the internet?
A: eDam (edam)

Q: What's cheese would you use to get the attention of a child?
A: A baby bell

Q: What kind of cheese do slasher movie fans like?
A: Gorgonzola

Q: When blue cheese comes first at the Olympics, what do they win?
A: A mould medal

Q: Which cheese is made backwards?
A: Edam

Q: Which cheese is most popular at Wimbledon?
A: Tennis raclette

Q: Which cheese do cyclists carry with them?
A: Paneer

Q: What do you call a curly-haired cheese?
A: Permesan

Q: What do you call a feminist cheese?
A: Germaine Gruyere

Q: What type of music features on stilton, roquefort and cambozola's first album?
A: Blues

Q: Why did the one-legged clown leave the cheese circus?
A: Because he couldn't get his stilton

Q: How did the cheese man paint his wife?
A: He Double Gloucester

Q: What did the cheese say to himself in the mirror?
A: Hello-me (halloumi)

Q: Which hotel do mice stay in?
A: The Stilton

Q: What is the sadist cheese?
A: Blue cheese

Q: What cheese do they eat in a galaxy far far away?
A: Boba feta

Q: How do you get a mouse to smile?
A: Say cheese

Q: Why did the cheese look sane?
A: Because it was in between two crackers

Q: Which search engine do mice use?
A: Ask Cheese

Q: What cheese do cannibals eat?
A: Limburger

Q: Which cheese has drunk too much alcohol?
A: Livarot

Q: What is the world's richest cheese?
A: Paris Stilton

Q: What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
A: Roarquefort

Q: What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?
A: Cheeses Of Nazareth

Q: Where do they put the crazy cheese?
A: In the Emmental asylum

Q: What kind of music does cheese listen to?
A: R 'n' Brie

Q: Did you hear about the cheese that failed to win a medal at the Olympics?
A: It fell at the final curdle

Q: What did the Greek guy do when his Wife was hungry?
A: He Feta cheese

Q: Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
A: Moatzarella


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