Halloween Jokes

October 06, 2017 6:00 AM ‐ Halloween

This article is more than six years old and was last updated in October 2022.

The funniest and best jokes about Halloween, ghosts and monsters, guaranteed no bad jokes about "ice cream" or "no body to go with." Plus spooky one-liners and the finest Halloween puns.

Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A: He is mist.

Q: What are ghosts' favourite kind of streets?
A: Dead ends

Q: What do you call two spiders that just got married?
A: Newlywebbed

Q: How does a female vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes.
Halloween Meme

Q: What can't you give the headless horseman?
A: A headache.

Q: What do you call two witches living together?
A: Broommates.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the Halloween party?
A: He didn't have the guts.

Q: Why was the mummy so tense?
A: Because he was all wound up.

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"This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him."
Conan O'Brien
Q: Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
A: It lifts their spirits.

Q: Where do vampires keep their money?
A: In a blood bank.

Q: What are a ghosts' favourite rides at the fun fair?
A: The rollerghoster.

Q: What do you call a cleaning skeleton with a broom?
A: The Grim Sweeper.
Halloween Meme

Q: How do you write a book about halloween?
A: Use a ghostwriter.

Q: Why didn't the vampire bite Taylor Swift?
A: Because she had bad blood.

Q: How many vampires are in this room?
A: I dont know, I cant Count Draculas.

Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin.
"Demons are a ghoul's best friend."
Q: What Do You call A Single Vampire?
A: A bat-chelor.

Q: What is a vampires least favourite food?
A: Steak.

Q: What type of dog does every vampire have?
A: Bloodhound.

Q: Why did the skeleton stay out in the snow all night?
A: He was a numb skull.
Halloween Meme

Q: Why don't skeleton ever get angry?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.

Q: What do witches get at hotels?
A: Broom service.

Q: Why don't angry witches ride their brooms?
A: They might fly off the handle.

Q: How do monsters tell their future?
A: They read their horrorscope.
"Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween every day."
Gwen Stefani
Q: Do zombies eat pizza with their fingers?
A: No, they eat the fingers separately.

Q: What's a ghosts favourite meal?
A: Spooketi

Q: What lesson are witches best at in school?
A: Spelling.

Q: Why are ghosts so bad at telling lies?
A: You can see right through them.
Happy Owl-ween

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: What goes around a haunted house and never stops?
A: A fence.

Q: Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets?
A: Bootiques.

Q: How does a skeleton get into his house?
A: He uses a skeleton key.

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