Agnessa, My New Russian Girlfriend
April 19, 2016 9:08 AM ‐ Long Reads
I was contact by a very beautiful Russian lady by the name of Agnessa, she was looking for love and she found it. Below is our romantic email correspondence...
How are you? My name is Agnessa.
Unfamiliar woman sent me a message on the dating site which was your email. I decided to write to you. I'm looking for a man for serious and longterm relations.
If you are interested in me, write to me on my email: firstname.lastname@example.org, I will wait for your letter with impatience, I will tell you more about myself.
Thanks for your email, I'm not sure what dating site you found me on,
I'm actually on a few sites scattered across the whole galaxy, but it's OK.
I am single, a little older but it sounds like you might not be from my neck of the woodland glens?
I am happy to receive your letter and to begin communication with you. I'll be glad if you send me your photo.
I think that you ask yourself why I decided to write you, may be because I'm disappointed by men here. I have heard about people who found their happiness far from the place where they live. I want to find a man for serious relations.
I was born 12 July 1985. I live in the city Pushkino, not far from Moscow.
I work as a nurse in the hospital. I like my work. I'm happy when people recover. I help them to recover, to feel better.
Do you know how it's wonderful to understand that you help people? Sometimes when I have a bad humour, I come to work, help patients and humour becomes better.
I live alone in one-room flat not far from the centre of the town. I like the town where I live very much, it's very nice but i'm sad that i have not met a good man here.
I like to walk around, I prefer active lifestyle. I am very gay and frank.
Well, tell me more about yourself because knowing each other better we can become closer to each other.
You may ask me everything you wish. I finish my letter here and will wait for your reply.
Hello back at you!
Nice to hear from you again, I didn't think I would and thanks for the VERY arousing photo! You look like Maggie Merlin from Barber's Mead! I have reverse attached to you a photo of me, I hope you like it, I did my best birthday smiling!
I'm glad you are looking for a serious relationship, I seem to go through one companion after another, I feel like I've been to the end of the universe looking for my perfect partner.
So, you're a Russonian? That's pretty exotic and slightly erotic, I've never travelled there which is surprising as I have visited many many places, I work as a timelord, so I travel a lot.
It must be very rewarding working as a nurse. I know what you mean about work changing your mood. Sometimes I'm all like "hahaha" and then other times I'm like "ugh" but then when I work it changes me from "ugh" to "hahaha" again. I hardly cry at all now on those days.
I live alone too, I have a pretty spacious place, you wouldn't know it to look at it. From the outside it looks really small, it's surprising really.
I also like to walk a lot please. It's nice to feel that connection to Earth under my feet, it's pretty rare now-a-days with all the flying around all over the place.
You are gay and frank, that's quite a coincidence! I used to be gay too, with a man called Frank but I went a special group at a local church and the cured me.
My age would probably scare you because I don't look as old as I am, I tell people I'm 35 because they'd never believe me if I told them I'm about 900, haha!
Please welcome my goodbye in to your mind as I part with my words on top of you and I aim to read more from you soon with lust.
Thank you for your letter, I'm happy to receive it. How are you? I'm fine.
I know English rather well, I learnt it in the institute. I like languages and would like more of them. I will try to write my letters that you could understand me. As for me, I understand your letters very well.
Well, I want you to tell me more about your working day, it will be wonderful to learn more about you. My working day is usual. I get up at 6.30, take a shower, then make breakfast and gather my things to go at work. I take a public transportation to get to my work. And I'm at
work at about 7.30. Till 6pm I'm at work. After it I go home, have supper. In the evening I do some works about the house or visit my friends. You can see that I have an ordinary working day.
What is your favourite film? I like 'The City Of Angels,' but my favourite film is 'Brave Heart,' I also like 'Avatar.' Can you tell me about your favourite dish? As for me, I prefer pancakes. I also like salads, ice cream and pizza.
I finish here. I hope to receive your letter soon and I'll answer you with pleasure.
Hello my wonderful balcony!
I'm also fine, how are you? I'm fine. Thanks.
Your English does seem to be good but then, I don't really need to concentrate on language too much, the TARDIS translates everything in my head, it's like a psychic link.
I will happily tell you about my usual working day, it goes like this:
7:00 Wake up
7:13 Shower including four minutes for a "personal moment"
7:25 Breakfast (hot coal)
8:00 Travel to different time period or point in the galaxy
From here the time scale sort of goes a bit wibbly-woobly-timey-wimey and it's hard to really say what I did then without getting caught up in some kind of crazy paradox but I usually land back home in this time period at around 6pm and then the rest of my evening...
18:10 "Personal moment"
18:20 Poop 2 (if needed)
19:00 Long burst of crying (usually under water in the bath)
22:30 "Personal moment" (if stamina permits)
My favourite movies, that's a tough questions. I like 'Banana Party' the first one was great but I hated 'Banana Party 2: The Splits,' I also liked 'Surprise Funeral' and 'Simply Beef.'
My favourite dish is a brown ceramic one, it has several chips in it but it's still my favourite, I've had it for almost 700 years. It's a replica of one used by the Mighty Jagrafess of the Holy Hadrojassic Maxarodenfoe.
I also finish here, I'm very pleased to have heard from you once more again and please, may I ask a question of you? Do you have any plans to come and visit this country of mine? I assume that is why you are interested in men from this part of the world we call Earth?
Hello, my dear,
How are you? I'm happy to have your new letter.
These days I'm bored a little bit, there are no joyful things around me and your email is like the ray of the sun for me now.
I am looking for a man for long relations but without success. In my country men can't understand women in different ways and it makes me sad that's why i am looking a
person through the internet.
I think that letters will help us to learn more about each other and one day we can meet. I hope that we'll make our dreams real.
Please write me as you can. I will wait for your letter with impatience.
Hello Agnessa you rotten gooseberry of my hearts,
You letters also spark extreme arousal in me too, I spend most of my days pressing F26 and holding down the 'L' key on my keyboard to refresh my incoming mail box hoping that I will happen across a refreshed correspondences from your beautiful face.
My body is largely made of water, about 70% in fact.
I'm sorry to hear the men in your part of the galaxy are not of the quality you desire, I have encountered so many different races and species that I feel I am quite well versed in relationships, even inter-species relationships. You'd find it hard to tell I'm not actually human, it's only really my two hearts which gives it away but that just means double of the love for you.
Let's look at the facts. OK, well I've enjoyed speaking to you please.
Hello my dear Steve.
Thank you very much for your letter, you can't imagine how I'm happy to have it.
I communicate with you not so long but I feel that you are becoming closer to me. I want to communicate with you in any time and more often that's why I want to give you my telephone number, +7901293451 that we can phone me and we can speak with each other and I could hear your voice. Do you like this idea?
I want to know everything about you. What do you like and dislike? I like people that can take care of me and help me in difficult situations. I do not like lie and when someone is lying.
Do you have a lot of friends that you can trust fully? I have a lot of acquaintances but few real friends.
I want to tell you about my family. I have never written you about my family because it's very painful for me. I lived in the town Grozniy, in Chechenskaya Republic., my house was attacked by bandits and they killed my mom and dad when I was 16 years old. After that I could not live there anymore.
I hope that all my failures will finish and I'll find a good man with whom I'll have a real family. I finish here and will wait for your reply.
Thank you for your phone number, I'm not currently in the same timezone as you, I'm actually in 1930 trying to defeat a rouge Dalek faction who are trying to stop the construction of the Empire State Building in New York. Perhaps I can give you a call later in the week?
What do I like and dislike? Well, I like when small men lick my knees and I dislike pears, soldiers and guns... give me a sonic screwdriver any day hahahahahahahahahaha... ha! (Eggs.)
I don't really have many friend either, I seem to find myself with one companion at a time, I spend a while with her just exploring the whole of space and time but eventually it gets a bit much for them and they go back home.
That's really funny about your parent getting shot, I wish I had been there to see that, it sounds brilliant! I know what it's like though, my parent died in a time war centuries ago, in fact all of my race died in the war. I'm the loan survivor, I watched Gallifrey (my home planet) burn.
Well it's been milky as heck talking to you again and I can't wait to hear from you with my email reading eyes soon. Now go away and get me as much salmon as you can find!
Thanks for being nice,
Hello my dear,
Thank you for your new letter, it always does my day brighter and I love reading your letters.
I like you very much and i have never heard so many kind words before. I'm so happy and grateful that we found each other through the internet.
I wait our communication by phone with impatience. Well, it seems that my tariff plan doesn't allow me to receive and do calls abroad. Don't worry, I have found the decision of this problem, send me your telephone number and I can call you from my friend as soon as it's possible. And finally we could hear our voices.
Tell me what you do at weekends. As for me, first of all I do the cleaning around the flat. I like to do it very much. I also like to go to the cinema. But sometimes I stay at home in front of TV.
Tell me how your friends and relatives would characterise you. Only don't write yourself. I want your friends or relatives to answer it. As for me my friends characterised me like this: kind, soft (but not always), sometimes a little silly, but usually enough smart.
I would like to walk with you on the beach in future. I love the sun, water and sand. May be? What do you think?
Well, here I am dreaming again. I hope that our relationship will be more serious, I hope so.
I must go now and I'll wait for your nice letter tomorrow.
Kiss you with tenderness,
Your beautiful Agnessa
Yes, your kind words make my blood boil too and receiving your email is like being hit in the face by a dead owl!
My tariff also isn't an international tariff which is a shame, it would be good to hear your voice.
If you'd like to call me from your friend's that would be great, my telephonic number is [my phone number].
At the weekend I mostly cry in to my pillow and try to touch people.
You sound like a bit of an asshole according to your friends if you ask me, haha! My friends and relatives would describe me as mysterious, a time traveller, brave and highly sexual.
I like walking on the beach too and love the sun, in fact I've been there several times. Luckily the TARDIS filters out harmful radiation and the searing heat... although, it's not as hot as you, you evil wench.
What are you doing this weekend? Got lots of milk in ready?
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