The chemtrail conspiracy theory is a long-running belief that the world's governments are pumping chemicals into our skies through the exhausts of planes. In this week's Parpod it's down to Barry Dodds to convince Ian Boldsworth that these wild claims are true.
It's Barry's birthday week and he's spent it in a haunted castle, disconnected from the world and the internet meaning he hasn't been able to research this topic very well, standard.
But unperturbed, Barry continues to explain the crux of the chemtrail conspiracy. Of course we've all seen the white trails which spew out of the exhausts of aircraft, this a result of warm water vapour from the plane's engines hitting the cold air around it, basically the plane is making clouds.
These are known as contrails, or condensation trails, and according to Barry they normally dissipate pretty quickly, however there is a different type of contrail which is the result of "special planes" with "no markings, no passengers and tanks of chemicals inside."
Believers claim that the chemical or biological agents the planes carry are sprayed for sinister purposes undisclosed to the general public.
Trying to get to the bottom of the conspiracy, while going easy on Barry as it's his birthday, Ian tried to get to the bottom of who is behind this spraying programme.
Barry says, the "government," when pushed to be more specific he say "all world governments" including the US airforce and NASA. Ian asks, "how about the Middle East?"
Barry's response: "I don't know. Have they got that many planes?"
To answer this question, there are 74 airlines operating out of the Middle East, including Gulf Air, Qatar Airways, Etihad Airways and Emirates Airline, which is one of the biggest airlines in the world.
However, in these warmer countries, contrails don't actually show in the air. People living in certain warmer parts may have never seen contrails, let alone chemtrails. The same is true of the east and north of Australia. Does that mean these countries' governments aren't involved in the global conspiracy or that they've chose to only dose specific parts of their country away from the equator?
The reason some areas aren't affected by "chemtrails" is because the creation and duration of contrails depends on atmospheric conditions. If humidity is low, when there is little water vapour in the air to turn into ice, the contrail will be short-lived. The few ice particles that are formed will quickly evaporate and mix into the surrounding atmosphere.
However, if the humidity is high, the large amount of water vapour present in the atmosphere will readily condense on the sulphur particles emitted along the track of the jet aircraft.
At this point Ian wants to know why these powers-unknown are spraying the general public and as always, Barry had the answer ...or so he thought.
1. Reversing The Damage Of Global Warming
The first possible reason Barry offers as an explanation for the use of chemtrails isn't actually that sinister at all. He says the planes might be "releasing lithium into the atmosphere to reflect sun back into space," the idea behind this would be to make up for some of the damge caused by the depletion of the ozone layer.
Barry even manages to quote a source who backs up this claim, Douglas E Roland of the NASA Godard Space Flight Center. Barry proudly boasts how this researcher has admitted that the agencies current programme uses lithium in chemtrail to monitor wind patterns in the upper atmosphere... before realising "it's the wrong bloke."
Although reversing the effect of global warming sounds positive, Barry has found a couple of negatives with their plan. Firstly that the lithium falls to the ground and affects people's moods.
Secondly, if aliens come to Earth we'll look like a gay planet with all that glitter in the atmosphere, "we're like a big drag queen." For this logic to even work, it would require aliens to have similar understanding of sexuality and they'd have to have developed the same stereotypes in regards to the link between glitter and the gay community.
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2. Influencing Food Production
According to Barry, another popular belief about the reason for spraying chemicals into the atmosphere is to change the way food grows, forcing organic crops to fail, resulting in crops of only genetically modified foods.
Barry fails to clarify what the purpose of this would be, why would a global consortium with enough money to operate an illegal chemical spraying programme be so hellbent on destroying the livelihood of organic farmers? If they were that desperate to put them out of business, couldn't they just buy them up and shut them down, because it's clearly not working, there are more organic products being grown than ever.
To quote the Organic Trade Association's, "the booming US organic industry posted new records in 2015, with total organic product sales hitting a new benchmark of $43.3 billion, up a robust 11 percent from the previous year's record level and far outstripping the overall food market's growth rate of 3 percent."
According to Barry, this rumour started in 1996 by "some bloke" but Barry can't remember if he was either a farmer or scientist, but whoever he was he was picking his crops (farmer?) and something was "different," he published a report and attributed it to the planes flying overhead and spraying chemicals. A well-researched argument from Barry there.
3. Controlling Population
This is where Barry really lost it and I didn't imagine this podcast could ever go this way. The most commonly believed reason behind chemtrails is that world governments use it to limit the ever-expanding population.
This claim has sucked Barry in most of all, he says "they're pumping stuff out, hormones. Mens balls are shrinking."
To back this up, Barry states that in 1970s porn men had bigger penises, specifically John Holmes, who at the height of his career, had his penis insured by Lloyd's of London for $14 million, he claimed he was insured "for $1 million an inch."
Barry says "you don't see penises like that any more." But Ian disagrees, "I bet you could go online and find a man with a penis twice the size of John Holmes."
He added, "everyone didn't have a cock like that in the 70s, that was one man who had an unusually large penis, that's why he was a star in the porn industry."
Then Barry dropped the bombshell...
"Fannies were much hairier back then. When I see a hairy fan now I react like when I see a hot air balloon, I think, 'oh, I haven't seen one of those in ages'."
Clearly taken aback, Ian was quick to tell Barry that what he's just said was the "stupidest thing I've ever heard any human being ever say." Barry often gets accused of being a comedy character on The ParaPod and in this episode Ian went on to question this for himself, "I don't believe you, this is the thing now in The ParaPod, that I don't believe you. I don't believe you think this. I don't believe you, this is a birthday prank."
Still shocked Ian asked Barry, "are you suggesting the public hair has just fallen out due to chemtrails?"
Barry clarified that he meant that the human body is changing, men's organs are getting smaller to make conception harder and women's "hips and bits are smaller" and narrower hips makes it harder from them to deliver babies.
Barry then contradicts this whole theory by saying that in the past women who didn't have wide enough hips died in child birth. So, women also had narrow hips back before chem spraying? He goes on to say that now, women don't die as much during child birth because of cesarean, which completely counters his argument and means women are having more babies, which of course, they are.
Ian wasn't buying any of this either, he told Barry, "if what you're saying is happening is happening, there would be no birth at all, the maternity wards of the hospital would be empty, they'd be derelict, they'd be like '28 Day's Later', but they're not, they're teaming."
He went on, "if what you're saying is happening is happening, we would be having no issue with population explosion but we do. Get on the roads now it's heaving, the world is packed and they keep coming out, it's not controlled."
"So what you're saying they're doing, it's not working because there are more and more children."
Barry was forced to admit, "no, it's not worked has it."
I remember once someone graffitied on some hoarding around a building site at the end of my street, "I don't consent to you spraying chemicals in to our skies" and they'd added their wacky website address. I couldn't resist contacting them through their site saying "I don't consent to you spraying chemicals around my street."
That's the level of idiocy of these people, not only had this guy committed an act of vandalism, he also tagged it with his website address so he can be traced. He may as well have thrown a brick through a police station window with his name and address on it.
The chemtrail myth is created and propagate by people like this guys. Clearly there is no evidence to back up the existence of chemtrails and Barry was forced to admit this when each of his arguments were picked apart.
Global warming is still an issue.
Organic crops do still grow (and are on the incline).
And Earth's population is still skyrocketing.
Ian gave Barry one last chance to make his point, "if you can give me one example of something that chemtrails do, if they exists in the way you say they exist, what are they successfully doing? What can you back this up with, with actual evidence?"
Barry, sounding defeated, replied, "apart from the porn thing, I've got nothing."
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